Tarun Tejapal case...the classical serial sexual offender
So the legendary and much acclaimed Tarun Tejpal decided that he as a custodian of his female staff can take liberty from her. His pervert mind no doubt would be acting on the illusion, which many of the males have, that he the so smart, intelligent, prized person can never be turned down by a female who is much less in social and employment status. He must even be thinking about the stupidity of the girl, who instead of enjoying the incident, as advised by the CBI director recently, continued to protest and resist his act.
As a woman, it hurts a lot whenever such incidents are reported. To be blunt it is not the incident alone which hurts but the way it is presented and twisted by the dominant male view is what hurts most. Unfortunately, Indian society has failed in giving a good upbringing to its sons. While, it made its daughters vocal, courageous and aware of their rights , it did not make its sons aware of their duties and responsibilities. Worse it continues to massage the male ego and projecting males as the custodian of the females. This false notion of being a custodian results into people of authority treating the females working under them being treated as objects in their custody. As a custodian, they assume an inherent right to treat them in the manner that appears 'fair' to them.
And male having such notions of fairness assume on their own as to what a consent means. In a country where boys grew up hearing the oft repeated advice " A girl's no means yes", how can a girl say no which the male accept as the "NO". So if , any of you, such open minded males are reading these lines let me tell you when it is a big NO :
1) When the female is unmarried and you are married. If you are even dropping subtle hints of your interest in her, feel ashamed of yourself for sexually harassing her. You have no right to even flirt with her.
2) When the female is married and you are unmarried same as above.
3) When the female is married , you are married and you are more than 5 years older to her. Know well that she will not like any attention from you. Even if she appears to be fun loving and friendly- she would like to have chit chat with colleagues and friends of her own age group.
4) When the female is married, you are married and you are in the same age band. Know that she chitchats and talks to you because she considers you a friend and feels safe with you. Because her years experience has shown that people nearer to her in age are very rarely lecherous. So if you want to prove that her trust in you was misplaced then only go and show your true colours.
5) When you are both unmarried and of marriageable age : This the only category where the female may like your flirting but only if you are eligible for a prospective match. Forget what the Hindi Movie Says, no girl having very different socioeconomic class from you would be happy to receive your attention. So if you are a male clerk don''t look at your female officer as a prospective match on your own ever...its a big NO
So if you follow the above advice, you know you will be saved from the so called false accusations of sexual harassment when you were having a consensual affair. Though believe me even though persons like Tarun Tejpal scream from the rooftop that their act was consensual, we the working women know in our hearts that they are rapists and know fully well that this could not have been the first incident, they would surely have mistreated many of the women employees earlier and the practical decision of many other such victims to remain silent would have given them the impression that they can always do whatever they want and get away from it .....salute to the courageous girls for the bold steps..may God always be on their side..:)
As a woman, it hurts a lot whenever such incidents are reported. To be blunt it is not the incident alone which hurts but the way it is presented and twisted by the dominant male view is what hurts most. Unfortunately, Indian society has failed in giving a good upbringing to its sons. While, it made its daughters vocal, courageous and aware of their rights , it did not make its sons aware of their duties and responsibilities. Worse it continues to massage the male ego and projecting males as the custodian of the females. This false notion of being a custodian results into people of authority treating the females working under them being treated as objects in their custody. As a custodian, they assume an inherent right to treat them in the manner that appears 'fair' to them.
And male having such notions of fairness assume on their own as to what a consent means. In a country where boys grew up hearing the oft repeated advice " A girl's no means yes", how can a girl say no which the male accept as the "NO". So if , any of you, such open minded males are reading these lines let me tell you when it is a big NO :
1) When the female is unmarried and you are married. If you are even dropping subtle hints of your interest in her, feel ashamed of yourself for sexually harassing her. You have no right to even flirt with her.
2) When the female is married and you are unmarried same as above.
3) When the female is married , you are married and you are more than 5 years older to her. Know well that she will not like any attention from you. Even if she appears to be fun loving and friendly- she would like to have chit chat with colleagues and friends of her own age group.
4) When the female is married, you are married and you are in the same age band. Know that she chitchats and talks to you because she considers you a friend and feels safe with you. Because her years experience has shown that people nearer to her in age are very rarely lecherous. So if you want to prove that her trust in you was misplaced then only go and show your true colours.
5) When you are both unmarried and of marriageable age : This the only category where the female may like your flirting but only if you are eligible for a prospective match. Forget what the Hindi Movie Says, no girl having very different socioeconomic class from you would be happy to receive your attention. So if you are a male clerk don''t look at your female officer as a prospective match on your own ever...its a big NO
So if you follow the above advice, you know you will be saved from the so called false accusations of sexual harassment when you were having a consensual affair. Though believe me even though persons like Tarun Tejpal scream from the rooftop that their act was consensual, we the working women know in our hearts that they are rapists and know fully well that this could not have been the first incident, they would surely have mistreated many of the women employees earlier and the practical decision of many other such victims to remain silent would have given them the impression that they can always do whatever they want and get away from it .....salute to the courageous girls for the bold steps..may God always be on their side..:)
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